The Bible – a book review

I know you generally can’t rely on the book reviews on Amazon. But sometimes they can be humorous.

I came across some funny examples  in the reviews for The Holy Bible King James Version

Here’s one from Todd W. Hemphill:

After being told that this was a “Good Book” I was really looking forward to reading it.

Alas, it lost me almost immediately. For example; After several “days” of light the sun suddenly appears in the sky on the fourth day? I looked for a footnote to explain this obvious inaccuracy but found that the story lacks any supporting references what-so-ever. I Looked back at older versions of the book hoping for some explanation and only became more confused when it became clear that the earlier text has both the sun and the moon somehow wedged between two layers of water!

I also found many parts of the “Old” Testament downright insulting. For example, in the section called Leviticus we are told not to trip blind people or swear at deaf people! (Lev 19:14) Just who was this book written for that they needed to be told that it’s not cool to trip blind people!? And why is a woman “unclean” twice as long after giving birth to a female child than she is after giving birth to a male child? (Lev 20) I’m guessing a guy wrote this stuff!

So I skimmed through the first section of the book, which was filled with endless rituals involving sacrifices and other barbaric practices, and moved on to the “New” testament, hoping for the best.

What a disappointment! I found the main character, Jesus, was all over the map. One moment he was all forgiveness and the next he was telling people that they had to hate their families if they wanted to follow him. (Luke 14:26). In the chapter entitled Matthew, Jesus succeeds in removing demons from two locals only to cast them into the town’s herd of pigs who then race down a hill and drown themselves. The townies, who are naturally more than a little distressed at the loss of all of their pigs, ask Jesus to shove off and who can blame them! (Matthew 8:28-34)

By the time I read the part about Jesus berating a fig tree for not having figs on it I’d had enough. (Matthew 21:18-19)

To call this a “Good” book is truly a stretch. Don’t waste your time!

There are are few others reviews there which adopt the same approach.

James Version.

20 responses to “The Bible – a book review

  1. Thanks for posting this, brightened my day no end, and I’ve passed it on via a couple of forums.


  2. I’ll have to repeat Dave here; Thanks for posting this! It’s brought a well needed chuckle to my day!


  3. Haha, that’s priceless. Thanks Ken 🙂


  4. there’s plenty of scope for telling jokes about the bible, and I have no problem with it… this is a cartoon that “proves” the old testament writers knew about non euclidean geometry 🙂

    but if you want to write a reasoned critique or ask serious questions i suggest looking up bibliobloggers such as Matt Flanagan


  5. Thanks, Ropata, I’ll stick with the humor. I gave heard serious bible study is a form of madness.


  6. I gave heard serious bible study is a form of madness.

    Yep, just look at Matt.
    Perfect example.

    Or everybody’s favourite kook, Stuart.
    Check out his “thoughts” on mainstream science with his bible-goggles on.
    Global Warming a New Religion
    Science, God and the Bible

    Yet perhaps they should look a little harder at the bible?
    especially at the stuff Jesus said?
    Just an idea….

    Jesus and the Interpreter. A modern-day christian helps Jesus get started.


  7. Richard Christie

    I think I’ll give the blogger (Matt) who has a photo of himself and his wife slinging hand-guns a miss , thank you all the same.


  8. What is it with the guns.?I was aware that Glenn’s blog portrayed a prominent gun – and the title “say hello to my friend” has gun implications.

    Now I see Matt’s does too.

    Why the obsession with guns. Theology and guns?

    Frankly I would have though guns would be a turnoff – at least in NZ.


  9. Yeah… I never got the guns thing. I think they follow some sort of right-wing American version of ‘Christianity’ …


  10. I think it’s something to do with the contest of ideas, shooting down arguments or whatever.
    The “word of God” is likened to a sword in the scripture – – cutting through false teaching or whatever. I guess that guns are the modern version


  11. I look forward to an irreverent piss-take of the Koran too


  12. Geeta, that’s just crazy talk.
    Next you’ll be asking Ken to blog about human rights in non Christian societies …


  13. Been there, done that, Ropata.


  14. Geeta.. is wasn’t a piss take of the Bible.. it was a piss take of hypocritical modern Christians… or so it seemed to me


  15. Max – I definitely saw it as a piss take of the bible – and one could do the same with all “holy” books.

    Mind you there is plenty of room for piss takes on people today who persist in seeing books, people and objects as “holy.” On the other hand it is a serious matter when this attitude (considering things “holy”) results in murder and violence.


  16. So I tried to find a funny piss-take on the Koran.
    Haven’t found a good one so far.
    But…I came away with a good consolation prize.
    edde izzard talks about dinosaurs and jesus


  17. Pingback: The Bible – An Explanation of The New Testament | Shout Joyfully

  18. That was… painful…


  19. Yes Max, my sides hurt after laughing so much as well!


  20. Pingback: Secrets To Reading The Bible «

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